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Dec 9, 2025
Her husband wanted to die with dignity. A death cafe helped them prepare.
Kennebec Journal and Morning Sentinel
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Michelle Surdoval's husband took medication in August to end his life under Maine's Death with Dignity law. He had been diagnosed with cancer. Two weeks of treatment made him very ill, so he decided he did not want to suffer or add to his family's pain, Surdoval said.
While she fully supported his decision, Surdoval said she still felt a web of emotions: anguish at losing him, gratitude that they could prepare, relief that he could pass peacefully.
A so-called death cafe in York helped them explore and understand their emotions ahead of time.
Death cafes are not support groups but rather offer guided discussions where people can ask questions about the end of life, share their concerns and make plans for the future. The meetings, which are free to attend, are led by a death doula who provides emotional support and practical help to those nearing the end of their life.
As the executive director of the York Community Service Association, Surdoval had helped establish the death cafe in York to provide a way for people to have conversations about death. While she first started attending the cafes as part of her job, Surdoval began finding the conversations personally helpful as her husband got older.
Surdoval, who previously worked in public health for 30 years and studied to be a grief counselor, said death can be a difficult topic for people to broach.
"People are afraid to talk about death and dying under any circumstances, and this is as probably as bold a way to discuss the subject as any," she said.
There have been many of these death cafes across the state, including Portland, Scarborough, Kennebunkport, Auburn and Bridgton. While the discussions don't happen on a set schedule, information about upcoming cafes can be found online.
During a recent death cafe at the York Public Library, death doula Leona Oceania wore a black skirt decorated with skulls and brought individually wrappe
